One hour. Thirty five dollar. And uh… if I pay a little more… does that, uh… Does that get me anything… extra? Oh we take care of you. Hey man. Hey. You been here before? Oh, no. It’s, uh… It’s actually my first time. You? Oh yeah, I come here all the time. All the time. It’s the best place in town if you’re lookin’ for more than just a massage, you know? The massages are great, of course. But, what happens at the end… I mean, it’s… Incredible. Totally illegal, obviously. They could get shut down any day now. But, I’ve even see a few cops come in here on their day off. It’s that good. Wow, you know, I guess I’m just a little nervous. You know because I’ve never paid for… An ending… before. I was nervy my first time too. I just figured, you know, it’s an experience, right? There’s no need to feel ashamed. This is my Thursday night routine. You guys have any tips for a newbie? Slip her an extra twenty bucks. Toward the end of the hour… she’ll know what to do. Soft hand for you. Good massage tonight. Ohhh… You want… extra special ending? Yes. Sick puppies. Starving children. Lonely old people. Poverty. Darfur. AIDS. Melted ice cream. Solo birthday parties. Oil spills. Fatherless daughters. Broken dreams. Infidelity. Mortuaries. Enya. Homeless veterans. I haven’t eaten for a week. Polution. Dead bunnies. Dust in the wind. Unrequited love. Grieving widows. Global warming. Abandoned orphans. Where’s my mommy? Illiteracy. Disappointment. Lost promotions. Genocide. Poopy pants. Mullets. Terminal illness. I’m sorry sir, you have one month to live. Ohhhh God why!? Plane wreckage. Bankruptcy. Kidney failure. Drowning. Erectile disfunction. Foreclosures. Species extinction. Male pattern balding… No No God! Nooo! Time up. Thank you, come again! What an amazing sad ending. This place literally has the best sad endings in town. This is the only place where I can get the kinks in my spine worked out while simultaneously losing all will to live. My back is loose, and my failed dreams feel overwhelmingly painful. Hey. How’d you like your first sad ending? Oh it was amazing. Yeah it was really great. — but then she gave me a handjob. Yeah I don’t know why they do that. Total overkill. That is the only drawback. Thanks again! This was so fun! See ya next week. Woo hoo hoo! Yahoo! YAHOOOO! What’d he get? A happy ending. What a pervert. Makes me sick. There’s some real freaks in this world. Disgusting.