– [Jeff] Good evening Achmed. – [Achmed] Good evening… infidel. – So you’re a terrorist. – Yes. I am a terrorist. – What kind of terrorist? – A terrifying… Terrorist.
(crowd laughs) Are you scared? – Not really, no. (growls) – And now? – Not really, no. (screams) – How about now? – No. – Goddammit. (crowd laughs and applauds) Oh. Oh. I mean- Allah dammit. (crowd laughs) Silence! I kill you! (crowd laughs) – So, Achmed- – No, no. It’s Achmed. – That’s what I said. – No. You said “Achney”. It’s Achmed. Silence! I kill you! (crowd laughs) – How do you spell it? – What? – How do you spell your name? – Obviously an A… C… flem… (crowd applause) Silence! I kill you! (crowd laughs) – So Achmed, if you’re a terrorist I would suppose you have
some sort of specialty. – Yes. I am a suicide bomber. – Ah! So you’re finished. – What? – You’ve done your job. – No, I haven’t. – But you’re dead. – No, I’m not. I feel fine. – But you’re all bone. – It’s a flesh wound. (crowd laughs) Silence! I kill you! (crowd continues laughing) What the hell happened to my feet?! Son of a bitch! What the hell?! Oh, wait a minute. What the hell?! What are you doing?! What the- stop it! What are you doing?! Stop touching me! (crowd laughs) I kill you! – All right. Just hold on. We’ll fix this. – Okay. Wait, what are you doing!? Holy crap, I’m in the air. Wait, wait. Wait, something is backwards. Holy crap (mumbles) I need some ligaments! – Just sit still. – Okay. I will not move my ass. – [Walter] You idiot.
You don’t have an ass. (crowd bursts into laughter and cheer) – [Achmed] Is that Walter? – [Jeff] Yeah. – He scares the crap out of me. Please do not put me back
in the same suitcase! – Why? – He has gas! (crowd laughs) Sedan’s mustard gas was nothing compared to a Walter fart! (Walter laughs) (crowd bursts into applause) It’s not funny! He will kill us!
(crowd laughs) – All right listen Achmed, I
have something to tell you. – What? – You really are dead. – Are you sure? – Yes. – I just got my flu shot.
(crowd laughs) – You really are dead. – Wait. If I’m dead, that
means I get my 72 virgins! (crowd laughs) Are you my virgins? I hope not. – Why? – There’s a bunch of
ugly ass guys out there. If this is paradise, I’ve been screwed! – Well, did they say it
would be only female virgins? – Holy crap!